Sweet Trigger
by RedRockets
Summary: Black*Star just couldn't take it... the abuse. So he pulled the sweet trigger.


**Sweet Trigger**

Every day is the same, yet every day is worse.

I thought I would be able to handle it by now. The abuse, I mean. I was beat up at home. I got beat up at school. It was a 24/7 kind of thing.

I didn't know if it was because I was different in some way or if they just love to hurt people for no reason. Or maybe people just like the cry of innocent blue-haired ninja assassins as they beg for mercy.

Who knew abuse could ruin a person's life? Well, the abused, of course. No one else could possibly understand the pain we go through. They may think that they know, but unless they take a step in our shoes, they have no idea.

The only reason I was able get through my days was because of Tsubaki. Her and her support had always helped me rethink my drastic decisions, but it only held me back so much.

After some time after being diagnosed with breast cancer, Tsubaki was pulled from my life forever and was now watching over me from heaven above. That was two weeks ago.

Ever since that tragic day, I haven't been able to control myself. I had no one to tell me to put down the knife. No one to come to when the thought of ending my own life becomes all I think about. No one to tell me: "We'll get through this together. I'm always going to be here for you."

I was then taken away by social services and placed in a foster care center where I was soon adopted by a dubious-looking couple I was forced to call "mom" and "dad".

The second I arrived at their home, I already knew that my life wasn't going to get any better. My so-called bedroom was no bigger than a tiny walk-in closet with a lone mattress lying on the floor as a bed.

The only others things in the room were a nightstand, a table lamp, and an average-sized window with a good close-up view of a dead, branchy oak tree.

Sometimes – well, all the time – I wonder why they even adopted me. They treat me less than a pet, or even a stray animal. At least with a stray animal, they'd just let the poor creature be.

However, when it came to me, it was a whole different story. I wouldn't even know where to begin with those monsters, the brutal beatings or the cursing out? I was basically their private slave, except I could read. Not like they'd let me near any books – let alone a phone – anyways.

All of this had become too much for me. Why wouldn't it? I had plunged deep into a pit of depression and I didn't know how much longer I could take it.

I need someone, something, to help me through this, like Tsubaki had always done. But because my other friends abandoned me a long while back, I had no one else.

That's why every day after school, I would head straight to my room to avoid my sadistic foster parents and cut at my wrist with a kitchen knife I kept in my bedroom.

I didn't bother to lock my door, or even close it. It's wasn't like my "parents" ever bothered to check up on me. They were always either arguing with each other or mistreating me. That's all they ever do.

After I finished carving into my skin, I'd pull out the revolver I hid in my nightstand. I've never used it. I would simply stare at it, over-thinking the pros and cons. The bad thing about that was that… there were no cons. There wasn't a bad side to ending my life right here, right now.

I guess I was just too scared.

But this isn't how I wanted to die. I didn't want my life to end like this.

I had always dreamed of surpassing God. I dreamed of travelling the world. I wanted to find my true love, grow old with her, and die in her arms. That's what I wanted my life to become. Not this. This is far from what I had ever imagined it would be.

I wanted to feel important in this world. I wanted to find out the meaning of my existence, my purpose.

It was too late for all of that now. I couldn't change my life so dramatically to become the way I wanted it to be. That's just not how things worked.

With the revolver in hand, I pulled out the cylinder which held the ammunition, and spun it around absentmindedly as I stared out my window. I watched the gloomy, raining scene as I ran my fingers along the bullets. Even until now, I contemplated about the situation. _Should I do it? Or…_

After thinking for a while, I decided.

I stood up abruptly from my firm mattress, slapping the cylinder back into place. A serious expression took over my face.

I trudged out of my "room" and towards the empty living room. Thank God the step-monsters were out.

As I walked through the halls, flashbacks of the brutal times from my life ran through my head. As I thought about all the bruises and scars I received, I gripped the gun even tighter, my knuckles turning pure white.

I halted when I got to the living room. I placed myself in the center of the space.

Exhaling heavily, I shakily brought the gun to my temple. As I did so, the happy scenes of my life flashed before my eyes, a little slower than the flashbacks from earlier. I remembered the time my real parents took me snowboarding when I was just five years old. Or like the time Tsubaki took me out for ice cream after spraining my ankle during a basketball game. The flashbacks began to bring tears to my eyes, a mix of both joy and sadness.

My thoughts were then rudely interrupted by the flashbacks of my loved ones untimely deaths. My parents' car accident. Tsubaki's death by cancer. Even the thoughts of what used to be the soul eater gang, leaving me forever. Ditching me because… well, I don't even know why.

After stifling my sobs a bit, I breathed out loudly once more.

_This decision… is the right one. I know it. This is going to end my misery. It's going to bring me back to the people that I love, and the ones that love me. I'm going to meet my parents again. And Tsubaki. Up there._

"Good bye, cruel world." I said as my last words before willingly… pulling the sweet trigger.


End file.
